The power of a word can strike like an uppercut or caress like a cat. A word can make or break a deal, can inspire or condemn, and can change your reality with a single breath of sound. So, what is it exactly that you are saying to your children? Do you find yourself saying the word "no" a lot? Take a day, and listen to how you phrase your dialog to your child or your students. You may be surprised. The word "no" is easy to say - one quick short spurt of breath and the expression of what you are demanding is perfectly clear. There is no confusion with this word, it's short and pretty much to the point. Or is it? The word "no" can have a range of emotional effects on a child. If a child approaches you with a creative thought, and you respond, "No, I'm busy," or "No, stop talking," you could be saying just enough to tell a child subconsciously that you are not interested in his thoughts. It's an easy mistake to make, and usually quite unintentional. A better response might be, "I'd love to see it in just a minute, when I'm finished," or "That sounds interesting, let's talk about it in a little bit." In a kind way, you have reminded the child to be attentive to your needs or to what's happening now, and at the same time, you have told him that you care about his thoughts as well. Children are very fragile in their various stages of development and it takes a lot of patience to remember to use your words in a positive way. If you can do this, you will stimulate a sense of self-esteem and acceptance by your child or student that may not happen with negative words. It's easy to "shut-down" a child with the word "no." Take a day to monitor how many times you use that word. When you catch yourself starting to say "no," stop and think about how to rephrase the statement. There are always two ways to say the same thing. It just takes a moment of reflection to change a negative statement into a positive one. I'm the first to admit that this is easier said than done. It takes a concerted effort to change the way you are used to speaking. You have probably been using the same phrases for most of your adult life. So why should you change now? Because your child or student is looking up to you. He/she is the greatest opportunity you have to make a difference in the world. When we teach children, we learn more about ourselves than we could ever imagine. In my karate schools, we often speak to the children about "life-skills," such as patience, focus, kindness, honesty, and respect. Every time I discuss one of these attributes with a student, I am relearning it for myself. Children are wonderful teachers. Often, we teach what we need to learn. Pay attention to how your child is speaking. Children are great mirrors, often reflecting back our mannerisms and dialog. Is your child using the word "no" a lot? If so, take note for yourself, about yourself, and try offering an alternate phrase to say instead. Think before you give that command. Listen to how you phrase it. Let your students learn through example, that even if they hear cross words at home, they can certainly expect something better when they come to your class.